Dancin’ the Night Away
Even the
most ardently youthful Baby Boomer becomes painfully aware of one fact. You
can’t dance like you used to. These days your Twist is a slight wobble, your
Mashed Potato is barely crumbled and your Chicken is definitely less funky. But
we still love the music! Whenever the first bar of “Land of 1,000 Dances”
blasts out, baby boomers leap out onto the floor, clutch their back, groan, and
dial their osteopath.
After extensive
field research I’m happy to report that there are a number of dance steps
currently performed by baby boomers which don’t normally result in injury, at
least to the dancer. They may not be
pretty for the viewer, but they feel beautiful inside. They are:
The
Flapping Scarecrow Dangle your arms, keeping your feet still.
Now move your body awkwardly from side to side while violently swinging your
arms. A slightly dazed, ecstatic look is appropriate.
The
Hijacked Airliner Alternately
lifting your feet, raise your arms till they are horizontal, and bend them in
at the elbow till your hands brush your ears. Sway from side to side, eyes
upwards. Advance threateningly to the other dancers.
The Air
Traffic Controller Raise your arm straight up from the
shoulder. Mouth the words to the song. Whenever there’s a guitar lick, make a
fist and punch the air.
The
Apathy Shuffle One hand in pocket, the other hanging limp,
stay on the spot, treading as if you were walking through a gardenful of slugs.
This step is often done by those who have been dragged out by enthusiastic
partners.
The Jim
Carrey Mince Elbows
in, wrists out, move your body in a barely noticeable pendulum motion. All your
effort goes into your face, which makes extreme expressions ranging from beatific
ecstasy to contorted anguish.
The Cow
in a Tornado Simply
flail wildly, acting as if you had no bones. Stagger round the floor, as if you
were out of control. Correction. You are out of control.
The
Cringing Teenager A chance for the younger generation to shine.
This one’s easy. Crouch at the back of the room, hiding your eyes either with
your iPhone, or, in the unlikely event you haven’t brought it, the curtains.